Not sure what to title this one, but it's a post that's really important to me. Props if you make it to the end!

The past week or so has been full of learning and gratitude.  The threat of miscarriage is still very real and heavy on our hearts, but it's amazing how much love you can feel during a trial.  I have gone through certain times in my life when things were so bleak and sad, and I felt utterly alone in my sorrow.  But life experience has taught me that opening your heart to others' and God's love during a trial does not make your trial any less significant, but rather, it makes your trial a part of heaven that teaches you about things of eternal importance.  

At a friend's wedding this past weekend.  My man rocks a light tux!  Oh, and look at that darling photo bomber.

I was explaining to a friend yesterday how different this pregnancy is from my last one.  With James I was so miserable.  I had no perspective and hadn't felt a connection to my baby yet, so I just felt fat and sick for 9 whole months.  With Moose, the nausea and discomfort is still there but for some reason it is so much more bearable, more manageable.  Honestly, there's a pill for everything I struggle with about pregnancy, but I also have the perspective of how worth it pregnancy is.  I know and understand what pregnancy results in, and the moment I found out we were pregnant, I felt love for Moose in a way I never felt for Biscuit (Jameser) before the last few weeks of my pregnancy.  Honestly, this pregnancy has been so sacred.  Every part of it.  I told my friend that this pregnancy is heaven compared to the last one.  I paused for a moment and continued, "Even though it has been harder in other ways, we have still felt heaven through it all.  Our trial has even been heaven because we have felt heaven during it. We have had a month and a half now to wrap our heads around the idea of what could happen, and we have had the time to make peace with God's plan.  Of course it will still be devastating if the worst comes to pass, but we can't help but feel gratitude for all we have been through."

If you and I were to talk in person about all JW and I have and are going through, you might not get a very good sense of our deep concern and angst, simply because we are at a point now where we can talk about it with faith and gratitude and confidence in our role in Moose's journey.  I probably wouldn't come across as sad or scared, even though of course we have felt those feelings deeply, because we have had the time to process things.  I explain this simply to clarify that it really has taken us a lot of time to get where we are at, and if anyone is going through anything hard, I hope they feel okay about taking time to get to a good place too.  People are allowed to feel their own feelings in their own process, and there is no time frame as to when people heal, or accept.  Yes, we are people of faith, but it's not like we completely skipped the "faithless" steps of questioning and fear and discouragement.  We did, however, keep our hearts open from the beginning and have allowed God to comfort us.  This really isn't something that has come easy to me in the past, but Life has taught me that it really is the easiest way to face the future--to let Heavenly Father in.

I also explain this in hopes that it will shed light on how people grieve.  Before all this happened to me, I must have only spoken with women who miscarried when they had reached that good place in their grieving, because I never fully appreciated how hard of a time they must have gone through until we were faced with it ourselves.  Yes, women miscarry every day.  And yes, they are happy again one day.  But this should not allow any of us to treat the trial of miscarriage as something that is any less than what it really is: the trial of a deep loss.  People--even healthcare professionals--have said some very insensitive things to us during our scare that have, quite frankly, broken our hearts.  I would hope we could all keep compassion in mind as we encounter women who have experienced this loss and try to be as sensitive as possible to their personal trial and all that it accompanied in their hearts, no matter how far along they were when they miscarried.

As of now, we feel very comforted.  Of course we don't know what will ultimately happen, but I am honored to carry this baby for as long as Heavenly Father will allow.  We do feel hope and love and are pressing forward expecting the best.  All of your prayers and thoughts and sweet comments and emails have buoyed us up tremendously.  We have been so humbled by love and support.  Thank you, so very, very much.

This one.

Just a few thoughts on being the mom to this one.  James is literally Heaven in a little body.  Even though he's gotten a tad sassy lately, I honestly feel like he really consciously tries to make good choices and be nice.  There's nothing like having him crawl up on the couch next to me with a big grin on his mug, asking, "hug? hug?"  He cuddles and kisses so freely and really makes everything better.  If you know him well, you know just what I'm talking about.  He's just so . . . rad.

Something I've learned about being James' mom this past week is that patience from me always calms him down when he's having a little tantrum.  I know it's hard to respond instead of react when your child is testing you, but compassionate parenting really has proven to be so much more effective in our experience.  Don't get me wrong, I still lose my patience PLENTY.  But this past week we were walking out of the grocery store and James was continuing a fit that had started in the store.  My initial reaction was to get frustrated with him, speak with him firmly and purposefully, and to get that kid to do things my way.  After all, I'M THE MOM.  Something inside me paused, though, and instead of doing all those things, I pulled James aside, got down on his level, and commiserated with him.  "You're having a hard time, aren't you Sweet Honey?  I'm so sorry you're frustrated.  I love you and I want to help you."  I gave him a little hug, and then he just melted into my arms and completely changed his attitude.  It was a great rest of the afternoon after that.  I know in my heart that he would not have turned around like that if I had stuck to my original plan. 

It takes forethought and consciousness, but my goal is to respond more often, instead of react.  I feel so much more fulfilled as a mom when I do, and I know it helps Jameser way more than if I didn't.  Win win!  But with James as my bubbers, life is always a win win.  For me, at least. :)

PS, how are your #togethergrams coming along?  Try to get that one picture a day of just you and your kids, individually, no matter how frumpy you feel!  Lexi, I'm talking to you.  :)

Busy Bubbers: to-do chart

His morning chart

I know James may be a tad young to have chores that really make a huge difference to the up-keeping of our little home, but I am a firm believer that the earlier you start kids thinking about responsibility and accountability, the better.  So I made James a little chore chart to help him visualize his part in contributing to our family management.  I'm definitely not super strict about him checking off everything on his list, but I have found that James absolutely loves it and it really helps him think certain things are fun, even though he has previously hated them (like brushing his teeth).  

His afternoon chart (plus dinner)

We don't do his chart every day, but I do tend to whip it out at some point during the day if he's having a tough time expressing himself or if he's having negative responses to my direction--usually at night when he's tired and hyper all at the same time.  As soon as he sees the picture of the toys in the toy box he gets excited to clean up his toys and relieved that he can focus on something he understands.  I just got these images off the internet, and I'm not sure if any of them are free for reproduction, so please don't use these if you want to make a chore chart.  Just let them inspire you as you make your own for your own kids.  

His evening chart

I really can't stress enough how much James has loved this!  I think it could benefit any toddler because it offers structure, teaching and understanding opportunities, and purpose as they go about their fun filled days.

His bed-time chart

I made the charts in Word and printed them off in color on card stock.  Then I used contact paper and covered just the front of each page, to keep them from getting dirty and to allow for easy removal of the check marks.  Then I punched two holes on the top of each page and connected them with ribbon to form a flip chart.  Lastly, I covered both the front and the back side of the check mark page and cut each one out.  We use blue tac on the back of each check box to stick it to the empty box when he as accomplished his responsibilities, but I'm sure tape would work great too.  He LOVES doing this!  Like I said, this chart helps keep him focused on things that need to get done and gives him a great sense of accomplishment and independence.  We have seen so many benefits so far!

the check marks for each task

Seven for Sunday: 27th edition

I'm feeling pretty sick this morning (allergies with a tummy ache mixed in) but I wanted to stop in and give a quick update on our little fam.  How about a Seven for Sunday?  Remember those?

-1-

Moose is hanging in there!  No more bleeds but I am still supposed to take it easy.  I'll have an appointment next week and we'll be able to see if the hemorrhage has absorbed.

-2-

I heard on a local lifestyle show the other day that the most valuable picture you will ever take will be of you and your child together.  So I thought I'd start a little project with James of taking one picture of the both of us together each day, no matter how I look.  I think I'll hashtag it #togethergram (not a major hasthtag gal, but for this I'll do it.)  Feel free join along on instagram and tag me so I can see you adorable togethergrams with your kiddos!  Oh, and the idea is that if you have more than one child, you get one of just you and one of your children at a time so that each child will have pictures of just them and their mom together.  With how many phone pics we take each day, I think this could be a pretty easy but very meaningful endeavor!

-3-

James is getting so sassy, and I fear I'm becoming too impatient with his new little personality.  I think he's started into the terrible twos a tad prematurely (21 months yesterday!)  He's just been the easiest, most mellow kid and now he's giving me a run for my money!  I feel like all I do is put him in time out these days.  I want to allow him to just be a little kid, but at the same time I feel like I need to be teaching him manners and proper social etiquette, too.  So, yes, I put him in time out when he hucks a huge penguin submarine at my head point blank.  I just want him to learn that if he does that to other little kids they might not like him as much.  And friends are fun.  I also think, though, that his behavior might be stemming from having to stay inside so much of the time with me being on bed rest.  A kid's gotta get out, ya know??

-4-

I think I've finally perfected my chicken noodle soup with homemade noodles.  I make this for my dad once a month and this last batch was by far the best batch I've made.  Here is the recipe for the soup and here is the recipe for the noodles.

-5-

James is learning how to count to ten.  Obviously we help him get there, but he's gotten to the point where I'll start out with one, the he'll say two, me three, him four.... and we'll switch off until we get to ten.  He's really enjoying learning new types of things like that.  We're working on the alphabet, too.  And sentences.  Basically I'll just have him repeat a lot of things I say.  It's so cute to hear his little voice put to words and phrases that are real!

-6-

My mom and sisters and I threw a bridal shower for my brother's fiance and the menu might have been one of my favorites yet!  We had turkey sliders and three different salads, but the variety was still great and they all leant to beautiful presentation.

For the sliders, we used the pretzel rolls from Costco, their greek yogurt and dill dip, some good quality turkey, with a slice of havarti cheese.  Simple and so fresh and yummy.  Then we had these three salads:

Broccoli salad

Spinach and strawberry salad with honey celery seed dressing

Chicken apple pasta salad

And for dessert we made these adorable and delicious individual pineapple cheesecakes.

-7-

James is also really into saying "k."  As in, whenever I ask him to do something or stop something, he'll say a quick "k."  But I don't think he understands what it means, because it's not like he really does anything different.  "I do not think it means what a ya think it means...."It is still really adorable, though.